Bedtime Stories for Worried Liberals by Stuart Heritage

Author:Stuart Heritage
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Profile
Published: 2019-03-20T16:00:00+00:00

Your Parents’ Favourite Lullaby

Beautiful baby, it’s time for some sleep

I know we’ve had fun, but it’s late

Your eyelids are heavy, you’re all tuckered out

And also you’re now twenty-eight

You’re so very precious, you light up our lives

This we thought you should know

But now you’ve grown up and you should have left home

Roughly a decade ago

This room where you sleep, it’s technically ours

We’ve told you again and again

We love you completely, you’re part of our hearts

But Dad’s got his eye on a den

Your hair is like gold, kid, your eyes are like jewels

Your skin is just so luminescent

You’re here on our dime, though, we feed you for free

You’re getting to be a depressant

It’s good that you’re here, and we know that you’re safe

We’re a family, we’re team mates, a crew

But we need our own space now, we haven’t had sex

Since April 2002

You’ve got to grow up, kid, you live here rent-free

This we have got to discuss

We own a nice home, and a dog, and a car

So why can’t you be more like us?

We married as teens, and then bought our first house

It even had its own grounds

We easily saved; why can’t you do that?

(It only cost us eight pounds)

You save what you can, kid, we’ve both seen you try

To clamour your way out of debt

But we read an article saying that you

Spend all of your money in Pret

Your smile brings us joy, kid, your laugh makes us melt

Your tears bring us nothing but sorrow

That said, that’s enough now, you’ve got to move out

Ideally as soon as tomorrow

It won’t be like this for all time, kid, we’re sure

Remember that you’re in our will

You’ll get the house back and your problems will fade

Just as soon as we’re seriously ill

So let’s go to sleep now, shut your eyes tight

And please don’t you tremble or pout

Just have happy dreams, kid, like never before

Because, hey, tomorrow you’re out

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